I know I am normally of good chipper

happy if I can raise a smile off you my lovely blog readers ( all two of you lol )

I have typed this about five times trying my hardest to be a bloody little ray of shiny sunshine for you all

but it’s a shite ask this last couple of weeks… I just don’t have it in me no matter how hard I try…

so anyway here I am and this is my best shot

 A culmination of my birthday ( now just a permanent reminder that I no longer get to share another birthday with my Dad )

two sudden bereavements of sweet sweet people who made more of an impression on me than they will ever know

( I wish I had told them how much they brightened my life while I had the chance )

 One of them the elderly Dad of my dear departed best friend Mandi ( I will miss his chats and hugs just like I still miss hers )

Bittersweet in all honesty as I know it has been his wish to join her since she left us but a loss just the same of a true gentleman

The other…  my lovely lovely Doreen… my Slimming World Mum of ten years… sudden and heartbreaking

  I have been feeling overwhelmed…

drowning in memories I normally keep well buried because letting them surface just quite frankly hurts too much

I have done the only thing I know how to do when I feel life is closing in on me…

I have walked… wellies on… coat pulled up tight… one foot in front of the other… miles and miles… my scruffy little dog has never been happier

Mid walk today I shook myself off and decided I need to get a grip and maybe just fake it until I could make it again

and so…

 I thought I better throw myself into something… take my mind of stuff

Blogging always makes me feel better…. I use my personal posts as a dump for my soul often

Then this happened

Quietly browsing for something to blog

I found these two blessings … or maybe they found me… who knows

Their beautiful… bonkers… mental… crazy… brilliant… madness filled wedding day in London

A warm hug of a reminder that not all of my memories are melancholy…

Some are simply utterly joyous and fill me to the brim with bursting ear to ear happiness

Thank you Cat & Paul

I needed you today

xx